[currently listening to coretan cinta - dayang nurfaizah]
"inikah cinta? menghiris jiwa. kau biar hidupku jadi melara. sucikah cinta? kau cemar janjinya. bertarung aku dengan sengsara..."
i was suppose to be working today. but i opt for an urgent leave. i juz cant funtion. i cnt think. n im too tired to do practically anythng. too many things in mind. too many things to say. too many things to do. emotion worked up. love played an evil twist on me. im lost. im dumb-founded. im roaming ard aimlessly in the twilight zone. tryna figure out wat wrong tht i did to deserve the rudest saga. now i feel like crap. or mayb lower than tht. its juz too much. truth hurts....hurts real bad....
"Tak rela ku bersedih...Dihimpit duka...Berkaca hati merintih...Pecah tak ku duga....Ingin ku meluahkan...Segugus rindu....Kembalilah keindahan....Cahaya dihatiku"
i knw im not suppose to hav met u. but the things which now i wish were better left unsaid were over n done with. meeting u yest was all wrong but its the only way to get it out of my heart. talking emotionally with fad was one of the best moments during overniting. n he pestered me to at least do sumthng abt it. not tht im not thankful for him helping me to make a decision. i guess its juz too much for me to handle. where do i go from here? im filled with so much fear, guilt, hatred and sadness. when all tht i want is....i dont know...haiz.
"sayang...tika kau menyepi. tinggal diriku sendiri. gelas-gelas kaca, jatuh berderai dan menemani hidupku...tiada akhirnya"
luckily i met up wit fad yest n share it with him. wat im gg thru. we cried togeda. its hurtful. thx lovely bitch for the moment....i felt a lil much betta....but still.....
anw lets try not to talk abt this anymre....
lets have sumthng to bitch abt!
tryna make my mind off it....
well here goes....
now i got a confession.....~ ha ha ha huh?
hehehe...lemme share u sumthng abt this bitch whom im working with. to begin with shes so annoying. shes so irritating. shes so trying. like ugh~! i wish i can juz grab a sickle n shove it up her ass. whom she tinks its sexy. like eeww! get a life. ur like on my nerves rite now. ur so fake n i caught u. if u cnt b a gd actress..then dont coz u suck in anythng u do anw. ur juz trying to get attention. trying to b sumthng ur not. trying to copy. but stop trying coz u can neva b any good or better than any of us. u cant n u neva will. u simply suck. dont blame me if evryone hates u. coz ur the one who had it coming. try to appreciate frens. u keep saying u do but u neva did. ur juz a selfish, two-headed retarded dog who thinks shes all tht. what? im so snapping at ur face but ur too stupid to see it bitch. toldja ur not even close to bein smart. ur juz a wannabe. ur too much of a liar to have any real frens. sheesh~....i cn so go on bitching abt u bt its sucha waste o time...
anw to dear lil miss grillz. accidentally in love is a nice feeling but darl, dont get too insecure or paranoid k. u may not wana say it but its too damn obvious. juz chill sistuh~ nobody tryna steal ur man n nobody is a competition to u. everybody has tht crush on him. but its juz a frenly harmless orgasmic crush. nothing more. hahahaha. but erm...frm my point of view, i juz simply cnt see u wit him. mayb juz for a few weeks. coz u so deserve a matured-thinking guy. or atleast sum1 whos 25. not sumbody ard ur age or younger. thts for me n fad only. hahahaha. juz take a deep breath babygirl...u knw ur loved. so we cool~?.....ok so when can i go out on a date with him? hahahahahahah....
to dear lil miss bighair with the bigvoice. lets start tht game rolling! hehehehehe
ouhya~
ECP was fun. to a certain extend lah. not all was a bed of roses but still i survived the thorns. not speaking abt the splinters i had. but anw, eventho it started with me having bad mood. a real bad one. but i didnt show it n no one can tell. hehe. except fad coz he was there when i was having torrets. hahahaha. getting to know syarif, fadly n islam was refreshing. n hanging the whole nite wit my bitches was arousing. hahahahaha. i loved it. it was pure clean fun till the "spin the bottle" came ard. tht got evryone nauseus. ahakz.
then the unexpected annoyance came. joe n wan. like ugh. satu mcm step mana nya bagus. lagi satu high on drugs. well, wan i dnt giv a damn tht much lah coz tht mat was so into his drugs tht he mind his own business. the real pain in the ass was joe! not tht i hav anythng agnst him but tht guy was full of shit. total bull. the first two meetings with him at mac n shesha was ok...till the third time. n they say third time is a charm. mayb for his case its a crap. total poopy crap. hes juz so annoying. so annoying i wish i had a shot gun n juz shot him dead in the head. n watch happily as the blood oozes out thru the layers of peabrain. argh! well if he have a problem changing his style then dont bother to meet agn. for u hav to change to stop anymore cold shoulder coming ur way.
n i juz love when morning came. the windy breeze of the beach. the rising sun. the cool ambience. juz perfect. then to make it even better, syarif came n had a swim. hahahaha. orgasm giler nyah oi! in those white see-thru berms! thank u affyq bitch~ u made the morning a woody one. hahahahha.
damn those were one of the days n moments tht i wish neva end. it was sheer fun.
anw to think tht akid cnt make it, he appeared in the morn. with a fren. to go skimming. n damn he hasnt change one bit. but it was a short mit coz by the time we were all shagged n ready to go home.
btw, i so wana chill n mit my bitches before im down n cramped wit work. next outing will be bulan puasa. buka togeda, jln2 togeda. n erm can we plan to sahur togeda? wic means we buka...then we stayed up chatting n slacking thn we sahur before we went off home. hehehe...
so ifah when we gg to catch movie? im waiting. can we make it on the 20th? im off. can can can? its time we have our sisterly bonding again. hehehehe...
klah...
im done...
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
adakah sebenarnya ini cuma permainan cinta hampa? tidakkah kau merasa derita? ibarat berkecai alam semesta terapung tenggelam entah ke mana arah....sampai hati kau, mempermainkan cinta suci ku. kau guris hatiku lalu kau cuba membalutnya....
