ugh~ so i had a boring day today. nothing fun nor exciting. seriously...i was like a sexxxay mannequin on the walks of life just nw. all dressed up n sashaying but no expression nor emotion. sampai kat kedai kasut DMK...i was thot to b a real mannequin whn a lady walk pass in...ahahaha...cute but hmmmm...so bored.
so ya thts my day for today. but got few smses tht made me smile lah. frm my best bitch fad..my darling babe n my sistur fadz. but tht was it. haiz.
ouhya forgot to say abt yest performance...well..one word...SUCK! like seriously suck big time. it suck so much tht i thnk its the worst eva. not bein simon cowell or someone judgemental but if u ppl seen the performance u knw wat i mean. n im talking as a whole. the whole crew including meself. no doubt. of coz we do blame the crowd the stage n everything tht cn b blamed. but seriously if ur up for anythng, it wont b as sucky as it is. mcm ye2 jek kitorang prac almost everyday 2hrs a day to get it tigh n sharp. honestly we do got the groove during prac n seriously it was slammin hot. but wat happen during the real thing...it wasnt worth it at all.
seriously if u ppl say it was ok..i knw ur lying to urself n us. coz if i feel like shit, so do you. the couple dance wasnt as wat we expected it to be...akid was the only one to b applaud by it. the other three was one big blur. so huge tht even ronald looks better. ouh did i mention tht the show was a mcdonald event thingy. ok back to the sub...since the crowd was merely kidz...we ourselves cheer for each other...but by tht tyme..i wasnt in the mood oredy...followed by drop it on me, asmaradana, sientelo, temperature, 12 oclock, mentirosa, so excited n sexy back. gawd its so shameful tht the hip-hop kidz done a betta job. like dduh~ honest. but thn agn sum good pat on tha back to amir for sum nice synchro wif akid. the rest, even myself, was a major disappointment.
i knw i shud say this on the day itself but hey im not tryng to b a bad girl here n spoil the rest of the day. i aint no attention seeker. since we were damn tired n bored, i dnt wana add lame antics to it jz to get some attention. i want smile frm u ppl. so jz go wif the flow aite. we need some fresh air frm those heavy embarassing moments. think back, fad was being so correct when he mention to me " y the hell when u dancers on the floor n not stage, face each other n not the audience? isit a battle among u two clan? wats the motive say? wheres the audience n where did u ppl face?" damn was he right...haiya..no point crying over spilled milk. wats done cnt b undone. so ya...lesson learnt ppl.
some things to cheer up, we grasp the attention of sum ppl. n if we play it right, we mite b performing at some huge events. so kudos to u ppl for not walking out of the performance. n to ppl like zirah ifa the princessess nurul amirion shaz n ahmin. thx for ur support n presence...touched.
ouhya, my ayang, amir, is so gg to ns soon...ehehehe. mak~ ayang u nnti botak! cnfrm cute...ahahaha cnt wait for april...imagine raba2 the head...kiwak` cnfrm stim kodok jah oi...ahakz. tk leh angz. but to thnk of it, whn izit gg to be my turn? im like turning 22 soon, n by the tym i enter cnfrm bnyk budak taikz. eeeeew~ gross! haiz juz hope i get exempted. like seriously...loads of things to do rather thn doin ns....while waiting fo my turn...gdluck to you ayang~
come to thnk of it...will b seeing less of u by thn, mak~ dh nk start rindu ni hehehe (rindu~ rindu serindu rindunya~....)
klah. i wana go shleep. mata dah kuyu ni ha! mcm dh kene gam. nites.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
Seandainya tidur malamku
Diulit mimpi bersama denganmu
Dan andainya dalam jagaku
Bukannya mimpi namun realiti
Kan kugubah puisi indah
Seribu makna
Demi kasihku padamu
Aku rindu kepadamu
Siang malamku
Bagai tak menentu
Oh Tuhanku kabulkanlah
Demi bahagia
Yang kudamba
bolo to bolo na bolo zara...hota hai kya pyaar bolo
__________________________________________________________________
Saturday, January 27, 2007
i hav to laugh abt this but seriously...i think fad hav to take back his word when he said tht ' smua jantan aku kejarkn pegi kt kau!!!' i mean seriously, it happens only at clubs. cnt help it if i turn heads lah. honestly i hav tht effect on ppl. may its the butt or i hav a pretty face? hmm...
but thn again, seriously fad darl, im as lonely n rejected as u r in dphat. ahahaha. we tried hard to get it but we dont. coz frm ur point of view...i got it n u dnt but frm my point of view, we r equal. ok lemme break it dwn.
akid: plz...dnt even think to put him in the picture. hes mr cool. very suave. so hes just being him. nice et al...
amir: i may call him ayang n all but plz, as much as he wana hit u whn u call him tht, i may get the same thing too..ahahaha
anto: ok so dah cerai. he got fadz ifa aisha raudha...wher do i stand?
zal: nama je my b...tapi ha! tk guna..asik elakkn diri jek...
fyk: ni lagi satu tk guna...kalau tk stone n stim...kepit ngn ayun
nor: haiyo ni satu bapak scandal ku...ada affair dgn my b...ada ke patut!
abg: dia dh dapat isteri giler namanya...ifa
bonzer: nxt plz...
frendy: ish! sapa nk budak ni...so minus...
fraze: tk payahlah jah oi...kau je amik dia...
ayun: kiwak~ ni lagi satu...tk dapat ar...adik2 sak..
so there u go fad...u got ur ans...kiter dua rejected..in diff rights...but still same league...ahahaha...so i guess we juz stix to our sisturs ya...neya fadz ifa n zirah...ehehehe..so pretty hot n tempting...(btw ni smua stakat rekaan iye...jgnlah fikir i nie serious...my eyes for tht one only for the mo...ehehe..u knw whu u r...i dnt mind if u hate it..ahakz)
so tmr is tha performance. i scared i screw up. bcoz y? its not tht im nervous. im seasoned ok. jz tht i scared the crowd teruk mautnya n i hav no mood to dance thn i screw up. haiz....but neya love gona bring sum of her frens n fad ifa sara nurul gona b ther...mayb force thm to b cheap whore cheerleader for the day juz to fire the crowds...tgk ar camne...i will swallow 25 steroids ketamine morphine heroin ice n all..to get high n dance myself off...hehehehe
klah nk g tido dululah dh bored giler ni...arrivederci
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
There is the melody
I can't play for you,
There is the song
I can't sing for you.
Always,
I want to be with you,
Touch, feel your heart.
Between us
There is the lineI can't cross.
hamara manzil bohot alag hai lekin dil laga liya maine tumse pyar karke....
__________________________________________________________________
Friday, January 26, 2007
ugh~ woke up late today...haizz...tk pernah2 bangun kul 10...usualli i woke up at 8 afta morning prayers i will go back to sleep or mayb i dnt...but today i woke up at 10! waddehell..felt so tired n restless...kiwak~ badan sakit2 seh..
hmm so lata we gona prac at hougang together with the wonderers...hehe..but my plan to mit sisturs got cut off. i gotta mit my aunt n help settle sum stuff for my sis wedding thts commencing on the month of july. so its family cums 1st. ryte? dduh~ so i guess i mitcha sisturs at the dome str8 or if i cn settle it early, i will letcha knw aaite~
u knw wat im thinking now...we hav lyk three prfrmances in january...n like we hav nothng on in february. so wat r we gonna do? i mean we cn mit up so much n prac for nothing. it will b redundant. especially for me coz im jobless for the mo. haiya(ikut tone frendy)...manyak susah or ini maciam..i hav to find a job quickly to fill up my time n furthermor im getting all dried up. sheesh. feel so like 16 back again...where ur waiting for ur o results with no job et al~
thn suddenly, these few ppl came to my mind. n how much i missed the tymes we share. ppl like mars nick shida razil q wanie gaz sarah n mayb ppl like alicia milin (didnt cross my mind tht much)...those wer the days whn phat inc was super well knwn for wackyness n loudness....cn u bliv tht i stil hav ppl cum up to me askin abt phat inc? sum even emailed or frenster msg me...whn i told them we've merged n now its d'phat...all of them say the same thng...dont loose ur identity as the wacky group whu cheered for ppl like mad whore...ahahahaha i laughed my heart out. thn i told them no worries its still there..we psychoed the d'phatians to b like us n wow we r double loud....hehehe..so there u c..i gues we r not famous for our dance (or mayb we r for our suggestive sexy moves coz got loads of compliments for tht) but we r famous for our wild personality...we fun loud funny wacky lovable adorable bunch of cheer whores...ehehehe...
evrytym i thnk back of the days its sure to put a smile on my face. heee~ especially the tyms we perform at !smashd..organize by beat society. there mayb alot of dance crew n familiar hip-hop n r&b faces there n its our debut...we were the talk of tha town...ppl love us...so does imran. but i dnt knw y we didnt end up with beat society..isit the contract thingy? mayb. coz we wana hav fun not into business yet. dancin is a passion to me not profession..mayb in tha future but not nw..i wana njoy the time i spent with my lovely crew d'phat. time is short make full use of it.
klah kiah oi~ mami nk g siap2 ni nak jumpa mami jarum ni ha~ conform banyak gossip ni ha~ cek g dolu noh..krim salam org kampong bedah oi...smeset ni ha~
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
The first time I saw you,
I knew you were the one.
There was no question in my mind,
after having that much fun.
There's just something about you,
that I've never found before.
And now that we're good friends,
I find myself wanting more.
I never thought it possible,
to care for one so much.
But everyday that passes,
I long to feel your touch.
To look into your eyes,
would make my day complete,
cause every time you look at me,
my heart just skips a beat.
Everything I'd wished for,
every dream I'd hope come true,
I never thought would happen,
until the day that I met you.
I know that your not ready,
for the kind of commitment that I am,
but for you I'd wait forever,
there's nothing I can't stand.
Although it hurts to know,
that you don't feel the same as me,
hopefully one day you'll realize,
one day you'll wake up and see.
within my heart n my soul, i wait for you, Adagio. relentlessly waiting.......
__________________________________________________________________
Thursday, January 25, 2007
(taking a deep breath) heave ho~ in the still of the morn, cold as the january breeze flow thru my room, droplets of condense sweat n tears brimmed in my eyes as i woke up. bronchital stead breathe caught me up. all wrapped in my warm blanket in ouhm position juz to steady myself.
geez. wat kinda nightmare m i getting. its so surreal. ive lost haiqal. i cnt afford to lose anotha one. but in this case like most of them. ugh~ i knw mimipi tu permainan tido but sumtyms its a message to us. eva heard of deja vu. wishing n hoping n praying tht sucha thnk dnt happen. coz im not strong enuff neither m i ready for sucha thng to happen. ive had enuff...gimme tym to get ova wif tha thngs i went thru in tha past for me to b redy wif new boulders to come.
i got sumthng to type on. n if u hav the ans to my qns....do tell me.
Hujan di hujung hari
Larutkan kemarau hati
Aku simpulan diri
Harungi tabir berduri
Rintihan hati yang terluka
Membuai noda diantara kita
Ternyata hidupku hanya
Menuai duka yang tiada akhirnya
Oh pada siapa
Aku bertanya di mana aku
Cari cinta puas kutanya
Ke mana-mana tak ada jawabnya
Oh pada siapa
Mengadu lara membasuh luka
Menderita mungkin ku bisa
Menggenggam asa sebelum ajal tiba
so ya. i let my mum read that. she said love grows. but i hav to b strong. then she lemme hear a song tht encourages me. i cnt remmber by whu but i remmber tha lirik especially tha chorus. it goes sumthng like this:
katamu aku lelaki
ku harus tabah hati
gagah tempuhi
ranjau yang menanti
katamu aku harapan
akulah masa depan
menjadikan mimpi
suatu kenyataan....
thts abt it. i love it so much. thts like my motivator. the words is strong n direct. so simple yet so deep. so true.
btw, im happy for u to b in love with love again. eventho its for tha wrong persn. but hey thts juz a start...u cn start cooking n get the flow of it. heh. dnt fret too early. jz start adapting. jz like how u did wif us now. n we r loving it. evry mo of it. jz keep it coming. hee. but thn again cum real. dnt fake it. n if u hav anythng to talk abt b my guest. we r there for u. always.
ouhya...when the fires dead n theres dry ashes ard. dnt even try to add oil n start a spark again. coz this time the fire will get bigger n uncontrollable. to tink tht u cnt handle the situation by playin wolf in sheep skin. ur so wrong. b4 u mess wif it, try n learn sum knwledge on wat ur messing wif. coz in the end its u who gonna b burnt. juz study the situation b4 u wana start the fire.
klah wana go freshen up.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
Why do birds suddenly appear,every time you are near?
Just like me,they long to beclose to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky,every time you walk by?
Just like me,they long to be close to you.
On the day that you were born, the angels got together and decided to
create a dream come true.So, they sprinkled moon dust in your hair, with gold and starlightin your eyes so true.
That is why all the girls in town follow you all around;
Just like me, they long to be close to you.
wishing upon a star, wishing on a dream, wish on all the rainbows that i'd see you smile evrytym. n i wish u see me as your true one......i wish.
__________________________________________________________________
juz when i thot theres no more thing happening ard, sumthng arises. haiya. whn is this gonna end? this is so getting irritating. so on my nerves. i guess i so hav to play shut again for the sake of othas. the othas whu put their heart n soul on it. try not to affect othas. kesianknlh dorang. haiz. whn i think tht e matter is small n rubbish...stay away frm me. whn its sumthng big n u wana share..i'll b there for u no matter wat. trust me. wont let u fall.
hmm u knw wat i feel lyk doin now. i wana do a no holds barred now n say wat i thnk of b4 n afta of each of one of u dphatians. ehehe. lets start frm before section thn followed by after. yeay~
BEFORE:
Akid: ur such a cool guy wif no airs ard u. always smile n full of corny jokes.
Amir: mr RACE. n eventho i like u, i hate u at tha same tym. so not ouof tha closet.
Fadz: a pretty face wif a lonely aura. so pendiam. so cnt click wif her lah
Anto: is he like mute or sumthng?
Neya: omg! freaking gorgeous mina wif a squeky cute voice. so gona b my bitch partner.
Fyk: a cute short guy whu i hav the hots for.
Zal: cnt bliv sum1 lyk him to b an emo. hehe. tk kene dgn personality.
Abg: big guy wif nice voice. but mcm kaki gaduh. seram.
Nor: muka mintak kene pukul sak. tgk2 org mcm nak makan. n wats wif the tights man. but i loike. hehe.
Frendy: ni mat indo is so lost. bising tk kene tempat. irritating.
Shaz: loud. such an empty vessel.
Frazze: one word. IRRITATING.
Iffa: si pompan ni dahlah muka mcm goldfish. skali bisu ar.
Ayun: big soft giant. pun lagi satu berat mulut.
Fadlee: to think tht im lembut, ive met my match. n wow i love the lips.
Zirah: ni minah kiwak~ bnyk bebual angin lah kan.
now for the AFTER section:
Akid: omfg! ur so cool n wow! i love the way u handle situations wif smiles n negotiable. so lovin it evry minute of it. sum guys hav to learn frm him!!!
Amir: thot tht i cnt get the amir in cyber to b in person but nw like ya hes out. so loving it. my ayang~ haizzzz...
Fadz: gawd shes lyk ma sistur. hehe. cn b loud too. i loike. furthermre we hav chemistry. loving!!
Anto: hehe. was my bf but now dh cerai talak 4. haha. n try to stand on solid ground.
Neya: yeay~ anotha sistur. so much in common. so much chemistry. feel lyk ive knwn u for years. love.
Fyk: love ur presence. neva fail to make me smile. but darl, dnt bottled up. its bad.
Zal: hehe. my boo. so cute so blur so heran tk heran. hehe. n plz dnt b afraid of doctor. ugh~
Abg: ni lagi satu blur. laugh at sumthng tht he dnt undrstnd. aiyo. still loving ur voice n wow love ur quicksteps.
Nor: gawd. like it how u cn layan kitorang nye mepek. n man can u dance! n ouh...keep on wearing tights.
Frendy: seriously ur irritatingly cute. n plzlah jgn bebual mcm apek boleh tak?
Shaz: .....wat do i say?.....ur like biskot. skejap ada skejap tkda.
Frazze: one word. IRRITATING. still.
Iffa: love u so much. like ur jokes ur manja ur blurrness ur annoyance. hehe. gimme more!
Ayun: same as iffa. but thn agn...ur nice to hug to. hee.
Fadlee: my best bitch. we r lyk so meant to b partner in crimes. ehehe. theres nothing tht we cnt talk abt. lovin evry moment of it.
Zirah: sumtyms u thk like n adult. sumtyms ur juz plain attention seeker. hahaha. oops. but anyways ur my gurl. we got each othas back.
so there it is...to those whose name not mention..im sorie. but it doesnt mean ur not missed. netiher r u forgotten. n ouhya...to phat inc crew who come n go...miss u ppl. miss the tyms we had togetha. hope we cn hav an outing soon. alot to catch up. alot to laugh abt. i dnt knw wat but ya. sure got sumthng to talk among u ppl.
btw, was feeling sad juz nw whn i came bck frm DRC. saw the condition my uncle in n tha probs his facing even whn hes not exposed. pray to god theres a prospered future for u. always missed n loved. i cn c tha pain in ur eyes but i forced to put on a smile to tell u tht evrythng is ok. nothin to fret abt.
so ya...thts abt it. love.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
Life is a moment in space,
when the dream is gone
it's a lonelier place.
I kiss the morning goodbye,
but down inside you know
we never know why.
The road is narrow and long
when eyes meet eyes
and the feeling is strong.
I turn away from the wall.
I stumble and fall,
but I give you it all.
I am a human in love
and I'd do anything
to get you into my world,
and hold you within.
It's a right I defend
over and over again.
What do I do?
With you internally mine,
In love there is
no measure of time.
They planned it all at the start
that you and I, live
in each others heart.
We may be oceans away,
you feel my love I hear what you say.
No truth is ever a lie.
I stumble and fall,
but I give you it all.
I am a human in love
and I'd do anything
to get you into my world,
and hold you within.
It's alright that i fell
over and over again.
What do I do?
__________________________________________________________________
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
ok. something juz struck me yest night. its been like the longest time tht im single. n since then ive always been hurt, played n joked at. it may sound so funny n ridiculuous for sucha thing to happen to me...but ya. its true. n i guess it will always continue to happen.
my babygirl, zirah, told me tht mayb not today nether tmr...but happiness in love wil cum to me once again. coz sum1 lyk me deserves sumthng betta. its sweet nah. but for so long ive been patient abt it. how long more do i hav to go? till ive lost hope n faith in love? something so pure yet so trivial? so where do i stand? in tha dark..all alone...
wat wud u do whn sum1 u love is turning their back on you? i mean thy said u dnt understand them. thy treat u lyk a piece of shit. u seemed so unvaluable. bt whn u kept quiet n be ignorant..thy cum to u or whn thy need sum1 to talk to thy crawl back to u. thn whn thy r happy back...thy forgets u. is this how it shud b? the retribution for bein nice? the worst part is whn thy got their eye on sum1. its ok for me coz if i love tht person, i wnt tht person to b happy. but to sum ppl its too much for them.
i get comments tht i thnk for ppl rather thn myself whn cums to love. but thts me. i rather go thru the pain in silence than seeing the one i love n care get hurt. but fad teguh me tht its time i thnk abt myself. but how do i do it? ive been brought up with the philosophies of..."its better to b love than to love, love sum1 make them happy, cum wat may thy r urs to keep if its fate"...mayb i bliv in fate too much. i prefer to let nature takes its course whn it cums to this issue. haiz.
like wat neya said...to some ppl we r not special n to othas we r. n to those whu thnk we r special...thank u for the appreciation. n to those whu thnk we r not, juz b nice to us rather thn sarcastic or rude. it doesnt pay to b disrespectful of othas. coz it brings u to nowhere but hatred. dang~ tht girl sure knw her words...im lovin it
so 27th jan gonna b our perfomance day agn. but we still need to brush up certain steps. even for myself theres a few steps im unsure of. n if ifa realli not joining..we hav to come up wif steps during tha couple dance so it wont b redundant. so there u go anotha thing to learn. n ouhya i so wana teach neya n fadz asmaradana steps so thy wont hav to stand like statue...greek statue mind ya. so there u go...anotha steps to brush on...hehe
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
Pertemuan yang tak diduga
Renunganmu mempesona
Memukau hati dan minda
Menerbitkan suatu rasa di jiwa
Gemuruh tiba-tiba jiwaku
Gentar menyambut salam darimu
Tidak terlahir kata-kata
Senyuman pengganti bicara
Kiranya dulu ku pernah terluka
Dalam bahagia hati ku tersiksa
Dalam ceria aku sebenarnya gerhana
Hadirnya kau dalam hidupku
Membawakan sinar baru
Dan kini rindumu
Sering datang untuk bertemu
Apakah kau merasakannya
Bagai ada gelora asmara
Bahangnya melodak di jiwa
Hingga tak tertanggung rasanya di hatiku
Tapi kini aku merasakan kekeliruan di hati
Perasaan dan hatimu
Mengikut musim
Bertukar ganti hangat dingin
Kehadiranmu didalam hidupku
Bak bayang
Sebentar ada sebentar hilang
when u learn e truth that i loveu, will you love me back the way i love you? wil u juz take my love n no return? will u love me for e sake of loving? wil ur love b forced? or wil u b ignorant?
__________________________________________________________________
Monday, January 22, 2007
its like OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!! IM ON TV!!!! n for tha fucking wrong reasons...aaarrrghhh! it so embarassing lah kan to get displayed in this manner. hish~ si tk glam. so yest was tha premiere of the dancefloor. i knw i will appear lah but the way thy edit it...mak~ mcm loser lah kan. hahahahahaha~ i think im gonna b famous among my peers for the line "im veri2 angry..." ahahahaha..
but hello wat ppl dnt knw is that flying dutchman liked our group ok. hes so rooting for us. n seriously he liked our ending but i dnt knw y he must say tht on tv. ha! just sum reality shit to bring ur spirits down n get sum viewers to watch n laugh. but anw, it was all cool...betcha didnt knw tht FD called me @ 12am..to apologise coz he made it sound so bad. hey im frens wif him ok. but we had a good ending...all five of us..me sara nick ifa zirah...with background FD saying "...despite not making to the next round..they all smiled for the cameras...." ha! thts us. forever rejected but still smiling...hehehe
but hey ppl...im not always rejected or a loser on tv. ive appeared in loads of programme wic concerntrate on meself ok...i dnt hav to share skrin or die trying to get 8 secs of fame. if u must knw...ive appeared on various channels..
- arts central on 2000 for my art competition background...ive won alot like 14 of them
- vasantham central 2000 for the ambassador of arts of sinda...heh but i speak english ok1
- arts central 2001 for excellence in junior arts management
- channelnews asia 2003 promising fashion designer...all 30 mins of it not including ads..
- mtv asia 2003 fashion week...versatile dresser
- news @ 8...for my creations for the new loreal look
- suriachannel 2005 designer muda harapan...all 20 mins of it
- arts central 2005 fashion talkshow with junita simon...
- mtv asia 2005 short 10 mins talk show wif denise keller @ zouk
- channel news asia 2005 young designers with lisa ang...
so there u go...i had my fair share of it...ive attended talkshows where host ask me qns...so im nt tht crazy to appear on tv. anw its a small island to declare urself celebrities...
the day i wana b proud of is when i walk down tha runway wif my creations on international fashion show called "vogue: the fashion show"...ha thts when i will feel on top of tha world...but its yet to happen. haizzz.
ahakz...ive found a formula to get thru n ova wif u. but it mite not meet otha ppls liking lah. but ive gotta do sumthng..rather thn picturised myself bein hurt n keep hearing u liking sum1..mite as well make this work. ive decided to apply for a full time job. its a temporary full time thingy. 5 days a week. frm 830 to 530. n by the tyme it ends...it will b ard 8 or 9 if i were to meet u guys coz its at jurong port. not some heavy duty shit but office work lah. pay not bad. afta cpf is SGD1150. cool huh. n the oni day im free is weekend. but oops sunday is taken by my family so i oni hav one day left. n tht may b needed by me. like hello i need to pamper myself wat. so i guess u be happy to knw tht u b seeing less of me. but thn agn wat abt my sweeties...hmm..thy wil understand. bsides kalau aku tk keje sapa nk support aku. prostitution? so not an option ppl.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
I smile as thoughts of you
warm and comforting come rushing through
Your tender touch; your adoring face
The way you laugh; your loving embrace
fills me with hope and happiness
for what tomorrow may bring
Just yesterday, my broken heart
nearly ceased to beat
But today, I'm given a new start
God blessed this broken heart
when He led me straight to you
Every lost dream; every shattered hope
prepared me-- like strengthened rope
to love you despite the cost
I'd like to give you back the time I lost
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been hurt, you understand
It's all part of God's plan
that is finally coming true
God blessed the broken heart
when He brought me to you
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Sunday, January 21, 2007
alahai jah oi~ smalm punyo lah penat...tk leh angz mami ni ha~ mana kita g hougang nk jumpa budak2 wonderers...dhlah nk g tmpt tu leceh mautz kiah oi~...hamlau2 tu smua bukan nk bilang exact spot...bila smpai je ha! my blood go upstairs oredy...tmpt senang mau pegi jadiklah susah sgt...sampai mabok pusing nk muntah dlm bus tu ha! mcm naik bus nk g genting tu bedah oi~...
smapi kt sana startlah kitorang mcm kera kene blacan...carik makanan pas tu carik ongkee...thn kita enjut2 mcm org2 cabaret. tmpat tu ha punya lah panas...dh mami berpeluh mcm placur dlm masjid jah oi...kepanasan...mcm neraka. so takda class~ hilang glamer jap...sengkuang korang tk ckp siang2 tmpt tu maha terik dgn lampu2 satan yg maha bright n hot...sheeesh~ but thn again we had fun...btol tak pe'ah!!! heehee
ok so now i knw tht u knw wat actualli we've been talking abt. im not surprised neither am i panic. coz all u've heard is one side of tha story. n i dnt knw if u wana hear anotha side of tha story. coz frm one end of it...i seriously thnk u heard wrongly thts y ur so mad at tha beginning. lesson learnt there...neva hear it thru tha grapevines....heh.
but u knw wat touched me most. u bein sorry n apologising. it made me feel guilty coz u dnt knw tha whole story yet ur apologising. so manly of u. i loike~ ehehe...but thn again...dnt b sorry..its both party faults. for us not tellin n for u not askin. n for u to assume n for us to pressume. still u hav to remember tht we will neva make any1 feel left out. its usually themselves feel left out coz either ur unapproachable, attention-seeker or u hav this tendency to get emotional n sensitive tk kene tempat. we so hav no tym for tht. thts like so cheap of you to hav tht kinda attitude. n seriously i dnt hav time for ppl who stoop so low on thmself to get a certain attention. its sick n disgusting. nk manja tk bertempat. g mampos lah~
n btw i thnk ive sorta lost ur trust afta wat happen. or mayb i neva had ur trust at all. coz like u said u dnt trust any1 anymore. n furthermor theres no need to get back to sq 1. coz wateva u r now, im liking it rather thn u two mnths ago. n hope its not a facade ur putting on.
n ouhya, ifa darl nya kaki makin teruk gytu kn. dhlah pompan tu tkleh jalan jgn harapkn joget. haiz. if u dnt get back in shape, we so gona hav a bland couple item. so tk menjadi. so u betta go for ur check ups or xray...if u want to i cn accompany u lah..juz holla me aite...
ouh to tht sum1...its signed sealed n confirmed tht u knw i like u. but wht i hope is u dnt hate me for tht. n trust me its not juz a simple crush. its somethng more. n u shud knw it if uve been reading my blog. ive tried n i tried but i cnt. mayb it wil take tym, mayb not. but please dnt treat me differently n dnt hate me. dnt walk away n dnt b ignorant. simple~ jz dnt hav anythng negative on me. ok.(crossing fingers)
so thts it...im gona help mummy ova at dapur...nk masak.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
do you trust me
when friends dont understand
when theres no one you can talk to
no one to hold your hand?
do you trust me
when theres warring in your soul
when theres darkness all around you
n u r left out in the cold?
do you trust me
i need to ask you this
coz you dont always know
im there in the midst
of all your tribulations
everythng tht u gone thru
im always there, love
n i wil neva leave you
so i must ask you
to see if you believe
no matter what u face in life
you can always trust me
Love in my life is like sand,I give it care and attention,Then a strong gust of wind sifts it through my hand,I lose yet again.
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Saturday, January 20, 2007
it was all a misconstrued. a big ol misinterception of truth n love. n for a moment i thot i was gona lose you. coz frm wat ive heard u had leaving as an option. but if i think i knw u...even frm tha little bit of cyber...leaving is so not ur option. its juz a mere saying. but then again ur knwn to do sumthng tht u realli want so it comes to a no surprise if u really leave. so whn i kept sayin' u cn walk away but can you hide' doesnt really ring a bell in ur head huh. we may not b as cloz as i am wif the othas but remember whn we played no holds barred. n whn sum1 ask whu i cnt afford to lose in tha group n i mention ur name, i stil mean it.
n now ur asking for forgiveness. but seriously, i dnt think u knw tha real me. coz when i said no sorry in friendship, i meant it. please, i c it as something very trivial n can overcome with time coz i knw wat u had faced in tha past. ive had it too. but wat hurts me most now is u hav tha cheek to use tha word hate. how can i hate u when i barely knw u. furthermore hate is such a strong word that it shuddnt b use among us at all. how can it even cross ur mind to think tht we hate u. juz a dislike to certain part of ur personality. but if u must knw, we keep on repeating tht ur a sweet guy. a very nice person, especially in cyber. its juz that we cnt wait that long for that person to arise. its been like donkey years. but thn again we cn force u. it has to come in naturally. we'll just wait n see.
so~ had a talk wif tha third party. shes heartbroken. consoled her that its not the end. ive tried to get her closer to tht sum1. juz so i cn get ova tht sum1. n hell no i wasnt bein selfish. tha third party likes tht sum1 too. n this is a good move for me. but in tha end...its a waste. heart wrenched for tha third party. but thn i told tha third party tha truth. u r not alone. upon hearing tha truth, tha third party felt sorry for me...but i was cool wif it. i guess. tha third party felt my pain n wana run away frm it. but we got each othas back now. wish tht sum1 knew abt this.
like wat fad says...love is a wonderful thing but also it cn be the most dreadful thing. u mayb on cloud9 but in a snap ur buried. n i guess its true when thy say love comes only once. n in my case it only last for three years. n he's gone outta my life. only to hav loads of god forsaken heart broken afta tht. always fall for tha wrng prsn. get into a web of mess. n thn back to square one.
but for nw i guess it will b tha longest one to get ova wif. for tha person i fall for is a split resemblance. but i hav to b strong abt it. no matter wat...i love u.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
Being hurt by love ones isn’t love.....
Being hurt by the one you love is heartbroken......
Being hurt by the one you thought that they care for you, was all a lie......
Being hurt by the one you told all your dreams to.......
Being hurt by the one who told you “ I LOVE YOU”..........
Being hurt by the one who said they would be there for you no matter what........
Being hurt by the one who told you to believe in LOVE..........
Being hurt by the person who sweet talk to you everyday........
Being hurt by the one who you told you were the only one for them..........
Being hurt by the one who talk to each day telling you things that would make you blush by their words of LOVE for you........
Being hurt by the one YOU were in LOVE with..........
Being hurt by the one person who told you that everything would be okay.......
Being hurt by the one said “LOVE IS TRUE WITH ME”..........
Being hurt by the one who VOWED to never hurt you..........
Being hurt by the one who TOLD you that they would never cheat........
Being hurt by the one who told you THAT they would LOVE you for who you are.........
Being hurt by the one who left you and never told you that they never liked you.......
Being hurt by the someone is like losing your best friend, only though it was the person YOU thought had Loved you like you thought.
Your Love for that person was taken advantage by that person who took advantage of YOU.
__________________________________________________________________
Friday, January 19, 2007
shit man! i thnk i hav too much on my mind abt u tht u appear in my dreams agn. its a mixed emotion tht im feeling. coz its a mixed chapter tht im facing. n its splits of a personality tht ur playing. i dnt knw...juz dnt wana cry coz im tired of listening to tha sound of my tears...wana get thru wif it but eventho i tried i cnt let go...so im stuck now.
heres the truth y i tried to let go n i cant. ur a nasty split resemblance to my late ex. i havnt told anyone yet except for ayun n fad. the face the smile the body the jokes the personality the sickness...evrythng except for height n intelligence mayb. tht is y i cnt get ova u. i tried but evrytym i failed. to think tht ur a reincarnation on haiqal(thts his name) for me...i was wrong. ur juz anotha look alike...i guess. as hard as it is to get to u, thts tha same thng as it was to get to knw him. n now tha only way to getcha outta ma head is to help tha third party...as much as its gonna hurt...i hav to b strong..coz i cnt afford to hav hopes in you knwing tht i wnt get any in return...n do u even care?
so me n ayun sorta share tha same boat ryt now. n we r back to square one. but honestly, i dnt thnk its ova for ayun yet. i dnt knw jz got ths feeling its not ova yet. but hey wat bout me. mcm sama gytu. anw darl we got each othas back aite. lets pull this thru together...
so ya~ yesterday we had our prac...gotta brush ups on the steps to temperature mentirosa 12 o'clock n if i want to...n by tha love of god...we r like practically financially emotionally physically mentally spiritually broke(did i miss anythng out?)...so broke tht its like dphat driest pocket day eva. no cigarettes food n drinks...haiz n i guess we knw tha value of it yest. hee. confirm smua balik smalam makan mcm babi...cnfrm plahap...cnfrm terbegik..cnfrm tk baca bismillah..whahahah~ but ya it was funny ar smalam lepak kat telepark. ehehe...smua bli air vitasoy...thn ada yng bli doughnut...kiwak sampai jilat2 paper dia lah kan...n i guess if tha paper is edible...cnfrm dh ngap skali...ehehehe...mcm carnivore smua...scavanger on tha loose..
ouhya...i dnt knw apa stim amir ayang wana skip his solo thngy tht last for wat...8 sec?...i thot uve been wanting tht for so long? anw u gt ur own choice...nobody gona stop ya..but th again we got our back up plan oredi...tha steps for me n u are fused together for tha couple dance. we had ourt touch up n practice ova it yest...it went well n nice...slammin~
btw...aisha darling got her audition today at toa payoh...good luck girl! burn up tha dancefloor..ur style is dope. love tha way u dance...so steroidically energize...ehehe..i loike~ n sorry i cnt make it to support ya...coz my crew gona hav a performance soon n we got lotz to brush up...aniwaes..my babies cums 1st ya...u'll understand..but hey u got ma blessin girl...
so ya gonna hav prac layta...n now im gonna freshen up...cya ayangs!!!!
btw read fadlee blog....
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
Just cast aside
You don't even know
I'm alive
You just walk on by
Don't care to see me cry
And here I am
Still holding on
I can't accept
My world is gone
Do you even realize the sorrow
I have inside
Everyday of my life
Do you know the way it feels
When all you have just dies
I try and try to deny that I need you
But still you remain on my mind
No I just can't get you out of my mind
I never can say goodbye
'Cause every night I see you in my dreams
You're all I know I can't let you go
Even though I try I can't let go
Of something that I need so badly
You're all I know I can't let go
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Thursday, January 18, 2007
gawd~ i cnt bliv i actualli kinda cried watchng john tucker must die. not tht its a drama but tha message tht it sends out to is meaningful. i cnt put it in words but if u wana knw go watch it. hell~ u get sum good laughter too...
now dwn to sumthng serious. tell me hw wud u feel whn u love sum1 so much n tht sum1 dnt knw abt it? it hurts in a way n its safe in a way too ryte? but wat happen whn theres a third party involve? n ur fine wif tha third party...but thn knwing tht tha person u lyk wnt go anywhere wif u even whn u tried so much to b honest...the drama begins whn tha third party tells u tht thy lyk tha person ur loving. how wud u feel? but thn thy dnt knw tht u lyk tht person too. its ur fault for not bein honest but reality check, u wana get ova wif liking tht person so wats tha point tellin ryte? so there u go wif a heavy heart helping tha third party to get tht sum1. seriously, u cnt get ova tht person overnyte ryte? it takes tyme...but hey ur destination is full of thorns whn ur doin wat ur not supposed to. thn agn...if u love somebody, make thm happy. let thm go. b there whn thy need u. sacrifice for thm. u wil nt knw whn it will end. n ur good intentions all came to a wrong accusation.
an accusation thts so not tha person u are. uve been accused, hurt wif such strong words thts not close to describing urself. not even one. n whn it all gone thru tha grapevine, the saga disperse to sumthng else. involving people tht u didnt even mention. from saying tht the apple is sweet, it breakdown to the color of the apple, texture, place of origin, how many seeds it contained, how long has it been last plucked..n all tht jazz. but all u said tht apple is sweet. but ppl assumed tht u went into detail. so thts tha case...dnt assume n dont presume. coz its all wrong. thn whts tha point of u reading tha whole comprehension thn do up a summary whn ur tha type of person tht juz skip to summary afta u read tha 1st paragraph.
theres still alot more to tha story thn juz the 1st or last paragraph. wht happen to tha middle? thts where the storyline start. whn u bobbed sumbody need to weave n whn its properly done, u get a comfy sheet of cotton. but wht happen whn tha cotton is stained, suddenly? u hav to go thru the laundry process wic takes tym b4 it dries. n during tht process theres alot of scrubbing thumbling n laying....hmmm i juz love whn u speak metaphor languages. it kills some ppl minds.
so ive heard(ikut tone fadlee) tht sumbody thnks tht thy r the talk of tha town. but thn agn i thnk tht sumbody got tha wrng info frm a certain sum1. n i thnk tht certain sum1 cnt b trusted. u knw thts y i hate reading tabloids. coz u cn neva trust thm. it juz full of pics. n pics say a thousand words. i prefer to get dwn strait to tha facts. coz if u get ur facts ryte...u cn neva go wrng...n if u wana knw, ask. its dat simple. qns wont kill u. its not lyk the answers is filled wif daggers or poison. honestly, neve listen to tha sound of the wind. coz diff ppl got diff hearing. its like the light u knw. u thnk its one tone but its made up of diff color. get all the colors thn u get tha light. geddit?
guessing mayb a fun game but whn theres too much guessing, u get fed-up, confused, pissed angered n irritated. but thn usually afta the end of guessin game, one will surely ask for tha real ans. so there it is, tha thng is to ask rather thn to guess. no harm done.
whn one thng link to anotha, it became a sprout, spiderweb. but to get back to basics...it all links to one.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
Hurt
It hurts so very bad,no one sees that I am sad,
I long for arms to hold me,is it too hard to see?
I need you here today,but that will never be,
at least I can think backon the dreams,
when you belonged to me.
accused
my soul has accused me
and i quailed imperceptibly
as tongue of diamond had reviled
all else accused me defied
and i smiled
my soul selflessly mourned
my friend
my confidant
whose favor neglected with best disdain
towards artifice of time disapproval
or men taunt
but disdain was scorn
a finger of enamelled fire bourne.
do u geddit? u even care in tha 1st place? was neva wrng abt u but u perversed me. shamelessly astrayed.
__________________________________________________________________
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
to tha ppl whus down wif love:
We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield
to tha ppl whu thnks tht they r alone:
All of the times when everything is wrong
And you're feeling like
There's no use going on
You can't give it up
I hope you work it out and carry on
Side by side,With you till the end
I'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on
to tha ppl, whu thnks tht no one cares:
God knows that things that lie ahead, to come your way
Keep standing on God's promises believe in what
God said
Do you know God is here
God will never, (never let you down)
Hold on, be strong, God will do
Do just what God said
to tha ppl whu tries too hard for tha limelight:
I don't fancy you too much
You think you're cute, you think you're fine
You're always trying to steal my shine
Get off of me, don't mess with me
You know who you are
Baby where's your self esteem
Find your own identity
finally, to tht person:
I could only wonder how
Touching you would make me feel
But if I take that chance right now
Tomorrow will you want me still
So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know
toodles
mizbithaqueen
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
__________________________________________________________________
wooohoooo~ all settled n done among the three musketeers. yeayness!!! i guess it takes a few encouraging n sweet words from a third party to kill tha fire among them. it works wonders. im loving it. lets hope n pray it stays this way.
ouhya...one more thng, we shud be more thick skin rather thn sensitive ya ppl. i mean lets take a joke as a joke, n try not to overanalyse anythng till we misunderstand the meaning ya. oso it applies to tha joker, dnt joke sumthng too sarcastic ya. till u thnk tht person is lyk fadlee(my bitch) whu cn take anythng, thn cntrol ur jokes ya. u mite nt knw tht u hurt tht person indirectly.
so~ yest we had our performance at ite clementi. so ya, 1st impression, i thot tha school is having their closing dwn ceremony. its so haprak wakrak dh macam warehouse kiah oi. geli mami nk explore tha school. dhlah toilet dia mcm tongkang pecah, canteen mcm jembatan tk siap, classes mcm papan long koyaknya...ish ish pendek kata mcm kene ribut taufan. mcm skola kt aceh gytu. muka budak2 kt sana pulak, kiwak~ macam tapai basi. tk leh angz. tgk org atas bawah. maklumlah tk pernah nampak org glemer mcm kitorang ni kan. haiyo. so takde class lah kata org tu.
but aniwaes, i thnk we did betta lah this tyme round. tklah tension sgt. sempat pekik2 plak tu. windu di hati, sal dh lama tk pekik2. ehehehe. mcm jantan cabaret. good news, we make the crowd cheer or isit we make otha dancers cheer? hmmm tk tau lah kan. at least its not as dead as ite simei. n good news ppl, we got complimented by lush tau. dorang cakap kitorang bagus cuma kene concerntrate on tha counts synchronisation n energy consistency...i toldja so many tyms!!!!
so aniwaes, we got a performance cumng up on 27th jan. i dnt knw whus gona prfrm coz it wil b at rivervale plaza. mak~ dkat ngan umah cek sak. n i dnt knw for wat event. haiz.
btw, theres a comp cumming up organize by butter factory n a showcase organize by far east. hmm guess gonna grab tha latter one lah coz the 1st mention bnyk rules n regulation lah. leceh jah oi.
anw, had a confession done to fad yest at tha roof abt wat happen during tha 1st week of our collab. hes shock thn got angered. ahakz. i knw we gona hav tha same effect but ya, it happens. no matter wat, im gona stand strong n wont let sum stupid ass slut bring my spirits dwn. heh. u dnt knw whu ur messing wif tau. ni tyra bankable tha underground motha bitch of bencoolen st. ur gona regret if u mess wif tha wrng bitch.
so i gona repeat agn. im liking yest so much. its one of tha best days we had as dphat. the three stooges cleared their air...we stand strong as a recognizable crew now n we r happy again. no more tension running thru tha veins. ehehehehehehehe~
klah. i wana masak now. lapar jah oi. guess wad..this tym im gona do takopachi...its japanese balls lah. heh.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
I think of you evry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away
I hate myself for loving you
Can't break free from the the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why
I hate myself for loving you
My head is saying "fool, forget him",
my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
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