wake up late today. supa late. woke up almost 1. geez, so teruk seh. tk pernah2 cek bangun gini lambat. was so tired i dnt knw y. mayb bcoz i took flu pill n cough syrup b4 sleep thts y. haiz...coz i cnt sleep n i need sumthng to make me drowsy. sleeping pill finish liao~ so ya tht was my last resort.
well sat prac was ok. its more like aerobics to me. burning fats session. heh. ayang was so tired coz he was frm soccer prac, my hubby akid cant make it coz hes dead tired too. so there was only me fad ayun ifa fadz neya zal nor anto n sara the sexay gorgeous bitch o' mine. we dance a lil. neya n fadz trying to make me n fad in talking terms wif anto wic infact we bear no grudges juz plain sick n tired of cheap dramas. thn as usual lepak at telepark...whn the rest left home, i decided to stay coz i dnt feel like gg home. thn ifa n ayun too dcided to stay. heh. cute. so there we were the fabulous four wif q eylia aili rizal n q sis. we chatted till 1pm there abt life frenship love n anythng tht we cn thnk of. even abt the crew on how we loving the times spent wif wanderers, ayang becoming his lovable self, akid the experienced guy n neya the mature girl.
but im sick n tired of bein an open book to sum ppl. theres no solid ground to stand on. thy tell u sumthng thts not happening. the dont reap what they sow. thy dont practice what they preach. they r jus NATO ppl. No Action Talk Only. how pathetic is tht. like seriously. to thnk tht life is all abt backstabbing n selfless preaching thn ur done. coz once u go tht direction u wont go back. its easy life. but its self destruction. why do some ppl have to stoop to tht level whn they knw betta? guess they r not tht smart in life choices afta all.
thn it struck to me. how i personally thnk tht i juz wana sit n watch the melodrama thts happening infront of me. its worth evry single cent if i hav to pay for it. wht a plastic world it has become. whre trust n honesty is not the base of evry single relationship thts been built upon. whre evrythng is juz a facade to go on wif life. where real happiness dnt really exist anymore. whre love is jz a saying n not meaning it. evrythng juz base on sympathy n selfishness.
i guess my real relationshp happened whn im wif wanie. now thts real. thn afta tht it was juz abt fun n happiness. i knw its important but what abt real emotions. a drop of tear dnt mean anythng now whn its all fake. a simple 'hello' or 'i love u' is juz mere saying now. it doesnt hav the impact it used to hav. the feel of need, appreciation, touch, move n anythng thts pure in this world is not widely practice anymore. i miss those days i spent wif my darling babe, my bestie, my partner in crime, my soul of life n love, nurzawani masnam. love u evry single moment.
thn theres md khairul fadly...seriously the best bitch ive eva had. we share the same level of maturity towards situation tht come to us. we share a great deal of chemistry. mayb becoz we're both ard the same. prefer to keep thngs simple yet beautiful in evry single aspects. may not b the bestest of frens but we sure do undastand each otha so well. thnk u for evrythng. keep it coming.
thn theres ifa n ayun whu neva fails to make me smile. but thn agn we share frm happiness to sadness. thy r my babies. cnt stand it whn ppl mess wif thm in a manner tht i dnt even do. we go thru alot in the past year we've been togeda. not to forget my sis zirah. whu i share a comfortable lvl tht i tell her my secrets too. i knw she got my back jz i got hers.
im still in a process of getting to knw the othas in dphat. theres alot to share but not a single time spent. i knw theres zal whus opening up to me in a way. thn theres neya whu i thnk go thru sumthng alot like mine but i guess theres alot more to her thn meets the eye. akid is sum1 i really wana b close wif. coz hes such a strong n mature guy for his age. i respect him for tht. n ouhya..he called me cubby...so cute. hee~ theres also my ayng whom i thnk is bein the real him now. loving evry mo of it. n hope its not an act to blend in. coz if thts the real u...i wana knw u more. alot more. but thn again must hav the comfortable level build 1st which is yet to happen.
i guess i asked too much thts y im getting none. too much said frm my side. too much of giving? well im not complaining as long as im doin wat i do best n not regretting.
This used to be my playground. This used to be my childhood dream. This used to be the place I ran to. Whenever I was in need. Of a friend. Why did it have to end. And why do they always say? Don't look back. Keep your head held high. Don't ask them why? Because life is short. And before you know. You're feeling old and your heart is breaking. Don't hold on to the past. Well that's too much to ask?
Live and learn. Well the years they flew and we never knew. We were foolish then. We would never tire and that little fire. Is still alive in meIt will never go away. Can't say goodbye to yesterday.
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
I'm scared
So afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
What if?
There's another one he's thinking of
Maybe he's in love
I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel
I don't know what to do
I love him
Of that much I can be sure
I don't think I could endure
If I let him walk away
When I have so much to say
No regrets.But I wish that you were here with me. Well then there's hope yet I can see your face in our secret place. You're not just a memory.
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