"Dosakah aku menyintaimu. Dan itu bukan kehendakku. Itu juga bukan kemahuanmu. Menodai percintaan ini..."
im missing tht one person badly. its like all of a sudden a gush of heart misses comes swishing in my heart n im missing him so badly. wana turn back time. want him to b there for me. want it badly. to feel his breath on my neck his warm hugs his lovely peck on the forehead. i missied it all so bad. so much tht i brokedown. so much tht i lost my breath at nite. so much tht i woke my bro up.
i dnt knw why all of a sudden i felt tht way. havnt i been thinking of you? or its you who hav been calling me. eventho your long gone, memories stil lingers on. so fresh like a flash of spring breeze tht swindles round ur face.
"Dosakah aku menyintaimu. Setelah engkau dimiliki. Aku gagal memujuk hati ini. Untuk terus melupai dirimu..."
hav to admit tht it has been disturbing me since last week. n i thot i had it all figured out n settled. only tht yest i cant take it anymore. all i had put on yest was a forced smile forced laugh forced bein me. its not fake but forced. all becoz of the ppl ard me. im not trying to b strong but i dnt wnt ppl to get the wrng perception.
"Izinku berteduh seketika. Merebah rindu pengubat duka. Demi ku menyintaimu. Menyayangi dirimu. Meskipun sekadar dalam mimpi..."
to thnk it was a blessing in disguise tht theres a representative. oni to b disdain by the knowledge tht it will neva happen again. living a life of false hopes n bitter truth. evrythng seems to b a bed of roses but neither any1 notice tht roses have thorns. facing tht one soul almost evryday with the outlook of the gone.
so near yet so far. so close yet drifted. when the truth is told u cnt handle it but you have to bear it. thts when pieces of you slowly shattered n begone.
"Pergilah sayang kepadanya. Kerna dia lebih memerlukanmu. Pengorbanan sudah lama jadi milikku. Jangan kau kesali..."
stayed up whole nyte with the thot of you tht played in my mind like groundhog day tht will neva end. when the melodrama stops it rewinds back to play it all over again. accompanied by 5 boxes of ciggs two cartons of milk n a tray of cadbury. thruout the nite till now.
but since 12 yest, evry hour i had my ablution n i perform my prayers. begging to god to make me a stronger person. coz i cnt afford to take this hurdle anymore. im breaking, i pray for myself. ask for directions. ask for self assurance. ask for him to b forgiven in evry aspect. how i teared at evry prayers to make me a braver bein.
"Aku tidak tahu mengapa harusku. Menyintai dirimu. Mungkinkah kau ada jawapan yang lain. Terangkah padaku. Agar tidak kusesal. Mengharap kasih pada yang berpunya. Agar kita sama merelakan...."
so then i need to find sumthng to fill up my time. make myself busy so i wont thnk abt it. face it. feel it. the best option is to b less needed. less seen. less involve. less available. less presented. less wanted. not asking n not wanting sympathy neither wana sound sympathetic.
"Ku pujuk hati, Tak usah sayu, Biarkanlah semuanya berlalu....."
toodles
mizbithaqueen
p.s:
When I First met u
I told myself exactly how it would b
U had a lady
And couldn't spend all ur time with me
I only wanted to kick it
So i said boo u can keep her
Long as i love you in silence
But as the weeks went by
I started feeling strange
Sumthin was deep in my heart
Sumthin I can't explain
I think I'm fallin in love with u boo
I'm needin u so much
I'm cryin just 2 feel ur touch
I gotta leave u
I didn't wanna a man
I didn't wanna fall in love and
I didn't care abt my heart
I didn't care how you would react
But that was then this is now
I think i've had enough
I don't wanna wreck up my heart
That's y i'm convinced I gotta go
Every time ur with a girl
I act like nothing is going on
At first i didn't mind
But now i, sumtimes feel like ur all mine
And i keep telling myself "no, its impossible"
It's all me tht went all out
Now i realized that i gotta move on
It might be hard but, i I gotta move on
When your in love with somebody but they dont love you back all you can do is just try to win there heart but to know it will bring you nowhere u hav to try to let it go even if it hurts like stealing soul out the body.
