met the peepz yest. tk ramai yg show up. n it wasnt reallly much of a prac. juz brushing up frazze, faz n amir nye drop it on me step n so excited. as usual strt out wif the normal chill session, thn go n dye ayun ifah n frazze hair. heh. came in zirah. bitch n joke alil bit thn came in amir. i saw e tension btwn zirah n amir. haiz. blum matayk dh tension. acted lyk nothing happen.
but i juz cnt take my eyes of amir. not tht m a psycho. its juz tht my intuition feels tht amir's tension nt onli abt zirah bt otha things too. i cn c e agony in his eyes. so much hatred so much pain. its so sad. cnt concerntrate. then we got shooed of by e wushu ppl coz thy wana use the floor for their training. damnz. we scooted of to sunplaza park. while walking, my mind is racing. thinking abt amir. but hes so unapproachable. sheesh. so i walked. ifah's condition worsen. sent her home. poor girl. hope ur getting better. no lame fun wif out u.
reach the park, no powerpoint. double damn. walk down to the nearest dome. still thinkin abt amir. but thn kept tellin maself tht i juz think too much. dragged maself wif zirah n thts whn she felt a presence n i saw one. haiyo manyak seram hor. memanggil jah oi.
settle dwn at e dome thn do some prac to the sngs played on ayun's fon. heh. thts our source for prac. kentalanz. i knw. thot zirah so excited steps. thot frazze faz n amir the proper steps for drop it on me. *thx ar ayun* thn start lah some foto takin, bitching,jokin,gossiping. wif dear mr amir left out. actualli more lyk him leaving himself out. ask zirah wat happen? she dnt knw n dnt care. but i do. due to my motherly instincts* haha* cnt bear to c ma dear ones all alone. susah senang biar sama2.
i ignore it with great ignorance. all done. we proceed to telepark. the usual spot for phat inc now its part of dphat too. left with me zirah amir antonio zal shaz faz frazze. chatted with zirah how nervous i am for my debut performance. showed her some steps n listen to some songs. i cn feel tht amir is watching, i cn feel tht hes still in such state. but how do i ask him? how do i reach?
its abt time to go home. zirah went off 1st with her scandal picking her up. then it was antonio amir n faz. while shakin his hand i saw it thru in his eyes. i juz hav to reach out to him. afta a few mins, e rest of us went home. thn sumthng struck me, y not i talk to him thru msn. took a shower n logged in to msn. lucky me hes in msn. read his headliner, i went gawd...he gave up?
do e usual break e ice thingy, thn slowly ask him a few qns. i was rite. totally. my first impression abt him was tru. hes in need of a listening ear. he need a shoulder to rely on. gave some advice n encouragement wic i think tht mayb useful. hey whu m i to give too much advise. m stil gg thru ups n dwns. slowly he opens up abit of himself. told me his nightmare, his confusion, his vulnerability, hes lost. but not too lost tht one cnt help. hes juz too ironic n cliche. kept blamin himself. thot tht evrythng was his fault. i cnt take it i cried. i wana help but he refused to open up. male ego? mayb. hes just a negative thinker whn it comes to him but he wants to be happy. pushing him to b positive. to b contented. but cyber talks cn only do so much. kept hinting him tht i'll b there if he need me. mayb he get it mayb he dont. too scared to experiment in life n making mistakes juz coz he lost hope. too much hope was said n given. gave up love. but whats life without any of these negative aura ryt. he mayb 18 but hes more like a kid. whu went straight down frustrated n sad whn their candy was snatched away. gosh. to him, tellin ppl his problems will add many more problems to them. he thinks too much of others. n went unhappy himself.
declaring tht hes happy if his loved ones r happy. but wats e use if ur not happy as u said u r. i dont pity or symphatise him. i pity myself. unable to help. but again too early to say. will try again. juz whn e communication was gg well, my comp snapped. triple damn. mothafucka. sent him n sms wif wisdom words of encouragemnt n sweet words of good night.
wiht the thot of him, i went to sleep. n had a dream of him. a dream i hope to come true. till thn.
nuff said
toodles
mizbithaqueen
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